Mom drops off 4-year-old and 7-year-old at aunt's house for babysitting without asking, gets offended when she changes front door code: 'You were home anyway'

Ally Perry • Writer and Editor

Nov 10, 2026 3:45 PM EST

Should parents be able to make their family members babysit without asking first?

Finding a reliable babysitter when you really need one is one of the most challenging aspects of modern parenthood, with many moms and dads finding that the village they desire to help with raising their children simply isn't up to the standard they require. This isn't just about being able to take a breather; it is also about figuring out who will take the kids when they're at work or during an emergency. There are plenty of scenarios that just can't be dealt with without childcare.

Inevitably, a lot of parents try to rely on their relatives when they need somebody to keep an eye on their kids. It is the automatic support system for a lot of people. While many family members will claim to be happy to be an occasional babysitter, there is no denying that most people will have their limits. It shouldn't be taking up all of their spare (or not spare) time and wherever possible, it should be an arrangement that is previously agreed on.

It is understandable up to a point when a mom with nowhere else to turn will leave her children with the nearest trusted relative without giving them much warning. However, it is also possible for this to happen in a way that crosses a line. No matter how much somebody loves their grandkids or nieces and nephews, they are going to start to feel taken advantage of if they become the go-to option for a last-minute babysitter.

*_{A woman holds a paper bag as a boy celebrates while reaching into it, with another child on the other side of her. Models pictured are not representative.}*

A woman who mostly worked from home was facing an issue with her sister expecting her to provide on-demand childcare. She had asked their mom for the code to her front door and had twice left her two young kids in her house while she went to work without asking her first.

She didn't see a problem with this arrangement, but the woman wanted to put a stop to it, so she changed the code to her door. She tried and failed to drop them off a third time, and was annoyed that she had no warning. Their mom was now asking for the new door code, leaving the woman with a dilemma.

My sister used my door code to drop her kids at my place without asking. I changed the code and didn't tell her. She showed up with the kids, couldn't get in, and had to miss her shift. Now she says I "locked her kids out," and my mom wants the new code

My front door has a keypad lock and I set the code. The only other person who had it was my mom, in case something ever happened to me. I asked her to keep it to herself.

I work from home most days. The first time, I was on a video call in my bedroom with the door shut when I heard the front door beep. My sister had let herself in with her kids, 4yo and 7yo. She opened my bedroom door, said "Running late for my shift, back by 6, you're a lifesaver," and left before I could get off mute.

I called my mom. She'd given her the code. I watched the kids the rest of the afternoon. She came back for them that evening.

The sister showed no remorse for her actions, and even repeated them.

That night I called her and told her she can't do that without asking me first. She said, "You were home anyway." The second time went the same way. Kids in the living room, "back by 6," gone before I was off my call. I called her again and told her to stop using the code.

"Then what's the code for?" So I changed it. I didn't give the new one to anyone, including my mom, and I didn't tell my sister.

The next time she pulled up with the kids, she tried the old code and it didn't work. She knocked. I told her I couldn't watch them, I had calls all afternoon. She had to call out of her shift. That night she texted, "You changed the code and didn't say a word, and let me drive the kids all the way over. Who does that?"

The mom felt like she was owed the changed code.

My mom called the next day. She wants the new code. "What if something happens to you and nobody can get in?" She said she'll keep it to herself this time. My sister's a single mom. Her sitter quit a while back and she hasn't found a new one. Was I wrong?

A. Yes. I should've texted her that I changed it. One text and she could've made other plans before she loaded the kids in the car and lost a shift. B. No. I'd already told her twice. I don't. owe her a heads up about a code she wasn't supposed to be using.

Just because a parent has responsibilities outside of their kids doesn't mean that they automatically get to leave them with other people whenever. There is a difference between desperate times and being entitled to the labor of a relative who probably has their own stuff to worry about. When it comes to childcare, expectations and plans always have to be clearly communicated. It doesn't matter whether they are being looked after by a loved one or a paid professional.